The Acquaintance

It was a glorious Monday morning. The very best our dear friend had seen in years. Less so because of the weather -droplets of rainwater dripped from the eaves of its cardboard roof- but more so because it was going to meet a trusted acquaintance at a sleazy French cafe somewhere. *It didn't know where exactly but It certainly had done Its homework on the location of this certain brasserie having marked out its location on Its map and using its x and y coordinates to calculate its bearing from Its 'place of standing'.

But when it did set foot upon the very point that it had plotted out on its well-augmentated map, it was highly puzzled. It stood rooted to the ground and squinted at the mammoth-sized signboard which stood towering five feet above its dimunitive frame. It couldn't be it, it reasoned and swore with its life that it had 6 x 6 vision.

Brassiere. Brasserie. It was just a matter of placing the 'i'. Yet, the meddlesome 'i' did not fail to confuse. Now, our odd creature groaned. It was not friends with stress. Stress resulted in tension headaches. Years of holding the post of top dog in the hallowed Slackers Fellowship had indeed dulled its brain. A fainéant. Thinking had become a redundant inneccesity. Still, Trach Cee-Chewgum pondered deeply on the prospects of its acquaintance arranging to meet at an undergarment boutique.

The acquaintance sported silky blond hair and huge sapphire eyes. He was the very sort people called pretty boys; more pretty than handsome, more a girl than a boy; everything on the outside, hollow on the inside.

"Yee ashked meh ter meet yeh heer?"

"Yeh."

"Wha fer?"

"Ah dunno."

"Whall, are wee gunna hafe food?"

"Ah dunno."

"Su... wha arh wee doin heer?"

"Ah dunno."

"Whall, say summat beshides 'ah dunno'!"

"Yeh."

"And 'yeh'."

"Wha?"

Trachel Cee-Chewgum had quite enough of this dual-syllabic conversation. Irritably, it detached itself the acquaintance's vice-like grip and made its leave for home sweet home. It was fortunate. Ten minutes later, the acquaintance was hounded by the pack of angry paparazzi.

"Did you see it?" they interrogated menancingly.

To which the acquaintance casually replied, "Yeh, ah dunnno."

*- For the convienence of readers, I have capitalised the 'it's which refer to the 'Great Unknown' in this highly confusing sentence. I apologise if you misunderstand this sentence but be assured that understanding it is not essential for understanding the novel.